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My state of mind can be unpredictable at times. Yesterday I was so hyped up. I worked through the night and finished the treatment for my upcoming novel in the morning. I woke up today at noon and had no energy. No wonder there. But as I’m writing this entry, I’m in very low spirits. I don’t even sing along with my favorite songs.

I’m doing pretty well with anxiety and bronchitis. The coughing has improved somewhat, but I’m sure it’s still a long way to full recovery. It sucks. It has been sucked this year for my physical health. But my mental health is on the mend.

Today, though, my brain turned to mush. I can’t write. I can’t read. I can’t even think straight. I thought about writing a poem, so today wouldn’t be totally wasted. But no can’t do.

My last novel has been successful. It was everything I’d hoped for. I’m glad I did it. It must have helped with my state of mind a lot. I relished every single moment of my success. And now I’m drained. Here comes the time to start all over again. I have to write another novel and try every possible way to market it. What if it’s not going well as the last one?

It’s fear, I think, and also exhaustion. I put so much work and passion into my last story. I’m feeling pretty much empty.

I hope today is just a bad day. Anxiety is hard to deal with, and I don’t want it back at full power. You probably think I should go to bed already and not work until morning. I know and I’ve tried. It’s really hard for me to concentrate and work during the daytime. I’m more of a night owl than an early bird. And the medication makes it much worse. Hours after waking up, I pretty much have no energy.

I still prefer that than having my anxiety out of control, though.

— Petra