For a long time, I’d pushed myself to the limit. I used to believe in ‘having it all.’ I tried to reach out and grab every opportunity that came to my path. I thought that to do more was to achieve more.
Well, I was wrong.
I thought I was in competition with the world. What I didn’t realize was that the only person I was trying to beat was myself. I thought it was a challenge, just a difficult job that would make me stronger and learn something at the end of it.
I did learn it the hard way, though.
At one point, I was juggling three different projects. Naturally, I struggled to get things done. I became exhausted over time and started to blame myself for lack of competence.
I never thought I should stop pushing myself. Then things began to escalate.
I was burned out the whole time, and all I tried to do was to get through each day without having a mental breakdown. I got angry with myself for wanting to cry. I scolded myself for being a weakling and not being able to snap out of it. I kept telling myself that I should be able to handle all the responsibilities.
I ended up with several episodes of mental breakdowns to the point where I considered getting help.
Then I began to ask myself why. Why did I try to catch every single thing that showed up at my front door? Why did I accept a proposal for a project I didn’t want to do? Why did I try to achieve something just to prove a point? Why did I even think that I had to do everything perfectly?
Nothing is perfect, and I’m just a human with stress and emotion and limited energy.
And I really needed a break from everything.
But in this huge mess that I made, I learned my lesson. As imperfect human beings, we all make mistakes. I made a lot of errors, and that was all right. It was all right to feel terrible and sad, and it was all right, too, to cry your heart out.
I learned to accept my flaws, my mistakes, and pick myself up. All I need right now is self-compassion and time to heal. Nothing is more important than your mental health and wellness.
If you’re struggling and blaming yourself for whatever you have done, be kind and have compassion for yourself. Remember that you deserve all the kindness and understanding from yourself. And it is okay to take a break.