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This year has almost come to an end with less than two months left. It’s been chaotic with Covid-19 and everything. One of the reasons I’ve been MIA, again, was exhaustion.

I thought I hadn’t been affected by the pandemic so much because I live in Thailand, and it’s not so bad around here. Still, I’m overwhelmed by all the changes. The new normal has taken its toll on me, perhaps.

And then on top of everything, I was body-shamed by someone I hardly know. I know that body-shaming is a thing, especially here in Thailand. But I was taken aback. It was like BAM in my face, and for a moment I didn’t know what to do.

People often think that I can handle anything, and they can say whatever they want. It’s one of the drawbacks of being friendly, I guess.

Or some people are just rude, period.

I’d like to think of myself as an extrovert. I’m interested in people and their passion. It gives me energy. But these cruel things people do like being rude and body-shaming just make me sick of socializing.

There are always party poopers. The most annoying thing is that they don’t know they are ones.

I often don’t talk back whatsoever until things are out of hands. Maybe that’s why some people think that I’m a doormat kind of girl. I’m not. I just don’t want to be rude. And I can be very harsh if I want to.

This time it got me pretty badly. If you follow my blog, you probably know that I’m dealing with anxiety and PTSD. So it was much worse than it should have been.

Honestly, I’ve been taking care of my family. I haven’t had much time to look after myself, physically and mentally. I’ve been on meds for a year now.

And this is what I deserve? Being called fat and someone who used to look pretty?

What am I? I’m no fair game.

Weight doesn’t define who I am. And if someone only admires me because of my look, then fuck them. You can be beautiful at any size. And it’s not anyone else’s fucking business.

It was the first time in a very long time I decided to stand up for myself. So I told him off. And it was so liberating. I’d never felt anything like it.

I’ve been bullied all my life. I remember getting hit when I was young and tried to stand my ground. Bullies these day may not harm you physically. But they are bullies all the same.

They attack you and then walk away without a clue about the damage they have done.

I’m not going to let that happen to me ever again.

I may look chill but I’m human with feelings. People need to remember that. And if someone punches me, I’ll punch them back.