A lot happened when I was gone. At first, I thought I’d come back and tell you about all the excitement. But I was wrong. Things blew up in my face.
I had it coming, too. I knew happiness was short-lived. You know like they always say, “this too shall pass,” but I never learned, did I? Now I’ve learned it the hard way, again. Shame on me.
It’s all Maslow’s hierarchy of needs all over again. All humans need at some point in their lives were a sense of belonging and people to stroke their ego. You feel high a minute and then you’re at your rock bottom the next second. You know all this but still want it.
It’s part of growing up because you need to experience it firsthand. It’s like you need to fall flat on your to know that it hurts. At the age of thirty-four, I’m still young and dumb. That’s okay, though. At least, I’m mature enough to except that I could be wrong.
I’m turning thirty-five next week. I may have been dumb, but I’ve weathered through my storms in life. I’ve walked away from so many relationships. Not every relationship lasts. Not everyone is right for you. Not everyone understands your points. And that’s okay. When people can’t get along, they walk away and move on. That way no one gets hurt anymore.
It is still unpleasant, and I’m saying this with a heavy heart. When I start a relationship, I’m always honest and give it all. But at my age and with my mental illness, I can’t afford to stay in a hostile environment. I’ll never allow people to repeatedly offend me. Giving advice is one thing, but one should know a difference between that and belittle or degrading.
Anyway, I should get back into my usual gratitude journal. As I’m writing this, I’m getting back into my routine and I can feel that things are starting to get into place again. Since early this year, things have changed, some for better and some for worse. I’ve learned my lesson, so nothing is in vain.
–Petra
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