This might be getting annoying for those of you who have been following me for a while, but I’m slowly trying to accept the fact that I will not be selected into the program on Monday.
I just know it and have to brace myself for it. I think I’ll be okay in the end. After all, I’ve had the whole month to cope. How am I not going to be all right?
I’ve seen a lot of people in the industry talking about how it’s getting harder these days. So, it’s not just me. It’s normal for me to want to be selected. It’s survival at this point. But life goes on despite the results.
I’ve some rough ideas about what to do next. The good thing is that I will have more time to rest and do whatever I want. It’s not like I’m doing great mentally. I’m just doing okay at best. Having CPTSD is complicated as the name suggests.
What I’m saying is that I want to live more. There are other things to life than just working. For once, I just want to enjoy life.
I’ve been playing different games lately. Yesterday, I bought Slay the Princess. It’s a good game, something different. I want to try playing new games and go out more. Steam Summer Sale is happening right now, so it’s the perfect time.
Another thing I’m prioritizing right now is my health which is much more fun. It’s like 70-90% under my control unlike my job which is like almost the opposite.
I think the only way to stay in this path is to just keep doing it with modest expectation. I might sound like a loser right now, but I’m just trying to be realistic. To be able to keep doing it despite everything is considered successful after everything I’ve been through.
I’m grateful that I’ve made peace with myself, at least for now. We’ll see what Monday brings.
–Petra
Petrawrites.com 