I was depressed most of the time I was gone. There was an exclusive program by a well-known webnovel site going on, and I was so obsessed about getting selected into the program that I let it consume me. That was the beginning of it all.
There are a lot of benefits (aka money and fame), so I really wanted to get in. However, the more I wanted it, the more depressed I got because I knew damn well the chance was pretty slim. For some reason, I just blamed myself even though it wasn’t my fault. The whole thing was out of my control.
Now, I just realized how absurd it all was. Life is unfair. We all know that, but obsessing over it wouldn’t change a thing. Doing that would only make you depressed. I decided to focus on what I can do instead and let go of what is out of my control.
I have been fixating on the results so much that I miss the joy during the process of creating the arts. And that’s the saddest thing. At the end of the day, I still want to keep doing what I love.
It’s okay to write for the audience that I have. I might have a small audience, but they love my work. That’s what matters the most! I need to keep that in mind.
They will announce the results on July 1st. Whatever it will be, it won’t stop me from writing.
–Petra
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