Today was surprisingly better than yesterday. I might have gotten used to the side effects of the new medication. This sounds sad, I know, but it’s just how medication usually works out for me.
I could do my usual workout, which was incredible because it improved my mood and helped me feel more awake. I still needed two coffees to get through the day, though. I tried not to take a nap in the afternoon to improve the quality of my sleep. I noticed that as the day went by, my condition got worse. I felt more nauseated, which was the main problem at the moment, but it was bearable.
At least with this medication, I don’t have problems with overeating, weight gain, and constipation. These things I really hate. Right now, I have sluggishness, headaches, drowsiness, nausea, loss of appetite, anxiety, and mild diarrhea. These things may seem like a lot to deal with, but they’re not severe, except for anxiety, and might subside over time.
I think the drug did something to my taste buds. I usually love hot and spicy food to begin with, but right now food in general seems to taste more bland to me. These days I only eat really hot food and some beverages that I enjoy and don’t have a lot of carb craving. Overall, though, I still eat alright.
Speaking of food, people usually talk about Pad Thai when they talk about Thai food. But actually Pad Kaprao (Thai Basil Stir-Fried with Chicken or meat of your choice) is what most Thai people eat on a daily basis. This week I’ve had it every day. I like it really hot with a lot of crushed chilies.
I like Pad Thai too, but it’s just not something we have every day. Other dishes we have on a regular basis are like Khao Man Gai (Hainanese Chicken Rice), Khao Pad (Fried Rice), Khao Kaeng (Rice with various toppings on top), Rice with Thai-styled fried eggs, noodle soup, stir-fried noodle, etc. Some people have papaya salad with other Thai north-eastern dishes every day.
How did I end up talking about food this much? Anyway, my point is that food is still my joy even though the medicine reduces my appetite. I also love Sichuan and Mexican food. Love all the spicy food out there.
Today, I downloaded a new game on my phone and spent a whole lot of time playing it. Funny that it’s actually these things that keep you sane at the end of the day. I’m thinking of going back to work, but it’s basically out of the question right now. With my conditions, it’ll take a lot of effort to work. I mean I can but I just don’t want to torture myself. I can just use the time to make a plan for the future. And blogging every night is fun, too.
Today, I’m grateful that I can move my body the way I want to and that I can fall asleep at night and wake up early in the morning.
Like I said, with the new medication, everything I do just takes more effort. But I tried to get up early, go for a walk with my headphones, and do some workout. I tried to go outside even though I got scared and anxious. I tried not to take a nap even though I felt tired.
If you’re close to someone with mental illness, believe me, that they’re trying their best every day just to live their lives, just to function like human beings. I’m really grateful that I do my best, and I’m still hopeful every day.
–Petra
Petrawrites.com 