I don’t know about you, but I was taught to strive for the top. Get straight As. Get to the top five of the class. Win competitions. And it was my only goal as a human being.
I had a traumatic childhood. We moved a lot, and everywhere I went, I was bullied. I never liked any place we moved to. All I think about was to excel at school, so that someday I can move away from home.
I did so well at school and college that I felt so used to being successful. Then came the adulthood. I have to admit that I don’t have to worry about my finance. This is why I chose to be a freelancer in the first place. But being a writer, like being an artist, comes with a curse.
Your work cannot always be measured by how well they sell. But it seems the sale is the only thing tangible for you. Or so I was taught to make a lot of money.
Being a freelancer comes with mental burden as well as its perks. Your life overall is unpredictable. You don’t work 9 to 5. You can’t expect to finish your job at the end of the day and get your paycheck at the end of the month. Work is continuous. It’s never ending. You can rush it, but it’d only burn you out.
You have self-doubt and want to work harder to prove that you are what you are. That you are worth something. You are still that straight-As student. You still have it in you. But how can you claim that you are a successful artist when art cannot be measured?
I think there are many people out there, especially Asians like myself, who were taught to fight for the best. But this mentality only ruins you in the end.
When I was in class at college, there were only a small number of students. But out here in the real world, you are just a tiny speck of dust in the galaxy. Actually, your life alone doesn’t matter at all.
While we all hear stories of successful people, these are only a handful. They are just well-known because of the attention people give them. They give us the illusion that anybody can succeed and be like them. That is not true.
If every body succeeded materially, then nobody succeeded at all. Sadly, it’s just how the world is.
Expecting someone to succeed, especially in this day and age, can be set up for failure. And it feels like falling from a cliff when you realize that you can’t always win.
Why don’t people teach their children to be content, to focus on the inside? We need to earn a living, sure. But do we really need to strive for the best? Everyone cannot be number one. Kids who know how to count know that.
Is being mediocre that bad? Or parents just want their children to achieve what they can’t?
Maybe this is just me, but life is already hard as it is. You don’t have to burden your children with your dreams that even you cannot achieve.
To everyone who feels the same way, it’s okay to be mediocre as long as you’re happy. No one can take that inner peace from you.
–Petra
Petrawrites.com 